Understanding His Hesitance and Encouraging Connection from Afar

My best friend has been dating her boyfriend long-distance for over a year. While they text and call frequently, she's noticed he seems reluctant to do video chats. His resistance has made her question his feelings and the state of their relationship. As her confidant, she asked me: why doesn’t my long-distance boyfriend like video calls? Here’s my advice on understanding his perspective and getting him to open up on camera.

Why Video Chat Avoidance Happens

There are a few common reasons long-distance partners avoid video chatting:

Discomfort being on camera - Some people are inherently shy on video. They may feel self-conscious about their appearance or don't like watching themselves.

Prefer chatting while multitasking - Video chatting requires full focus. Some prefer the flexibility of talking while also doing other tasks.

Cameras feel intrusive - Having someone scrutinize you through a camera lens can feel invasive to those valuing privacy.

Talking is emotionally easier - Chatting without the visual cues reduces vulnerability. Emotions are harder to hide face-to-face.

Insecurity about the relationship - Avoiding video can happen if commitment is wavering. Out of sight, out of mind.

Have an Open Conversation

Don't make assumptions. Have an open talk to understand why he avoids video chatting. Listen without judgement.

Ask thoughtful questions like:

• Do you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious being on video?
• Do you find regular talking or texting easier for some reason?
• Does talking face-to-face make you feel more vulnerable?
• Is there anything worrying you about our relationship lately?

Make it a two-way dialogue. Share your own hopes and fears too. Close communication is key in long-distance romance.

Encourage Video Calls Together

Once you understand his perspective, offer compromises and assurances to help him warm up to video over time.

• Promise no multi-tasking to show he has your full attention.
• Offer to prop up phones so only your faces show if he’s self-conscious.
• Initiate short 5 minute videos to start. Work up to longer.
• Pick optimal times when you are both free of distractions.
• Alternate serious talks with lighthearted catch-ups.

Most importantly, be patient and let him adapt at his own pace.

Make Video Calls Special

Add little touches to video chats that enhance the experience and strengthen your bond.

• Display affection by blowing kisses or placing palms up to “touch” from afar.
• Maintain eye contact and smile warmly to feel more connected.
• Share a virtual meal together - cook and eat the same dishes while chatting.
• Watch a show or listen to music in sync during the call.
• Play games likeWould You Rather to make it more interactive.

When video chats feel special, he may look forward to them more.

Visit In Person When Possible

While regular video chatting helps maintain intimacy, it can’t replace real life contact. When possible, schedule actual visits.

• Spending time together physically allows you both to open up more.
• The anticipation of a trip gives you something exciting to count down to.
• Visits reassure you that your bond remains strong, even when apart.

Make the most of precious time in person when you can.

Stay Patient But Know Your Needs

I encouraged my best friend to have an open dialogue to uncover her boyfriend’s video chat hesitance. With understanding, creativity and patience, they can hopefully find ways to connect more visually.

But if he ultimately refuses to try or dismisses your needs, reflect on whether you feel fulfilled in the relationship as is. You deserve intimacy in a long-distance romance too. While video shouldn’t be forced, some resistance to maintain contact could signal incompatible needs.

Prioritize what makes you feel loved – don’t compromise on the effort you require. With mutual willingness, long-distance relationships can thrive through creative use of technology and occasional visits. His avoidance of video calls alone shouldn’t doom your romance, if you both commit to nurturing your bond in other meaningful ways.